What lies within

The sadness, grief and worry I hold today will be gone tomorrow or the next. Just like the flow of the river, everything is in perpetual movement. A slow dance that's not always fully seen or felt. 
When difficult feelings settle in, I remind myself it's the uncomfortable part of life we try to avoid. If I’m honest with myself, I’ve struggled to rise above the pain before, and recognizing that pain has led me to where I am today. In the pain, we can get lost in the strong desire to push through, fearing we may get swallowed up in the heavy emotions. 

"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." — Henry S. Haskins

Pain has a plan. It affects all of us in varying degrees and at different times in our lives. It wakes us up to what needs attention or what is no longer working for us. Pain teaches us who we are on a very deep level. It forces us to stand up and be warriors in our own lives.  

It reminds us we are human and it may be time to choose a new direction, change our ideas and expectations. To try again, maybe in a different way and with a different perspective. To challenge ourselves to dig deep,  trust our own unique journey as we learn who we truly are on a very deep level. To find our inner strength, not compromise or compare ourselves to others as we work through the difficult parts of our lives. Look deeply at how we view our world and the people we share it with. To question it all and be brave enough to change course when things aren’t working. The courage to know and understand that all the answers to life’s big questions come from within. We’ve done this before in our lives. Is it time to do it again?

Remember that time you loved someone so deeply that you thought your whole world would crumble or be less valuable without them? You found the strength to let go when it was time and you were able to move on. It hurt but you knew you were strong enough to put yourself first and move on. Look at you now – stronger, bolder and wiser. Willing to surrender and try love again.

Remember that job that exhausted you and made you question your worth? You were so scared to leave the security of the work and paycheck but cared enough about your dreams to try something new and fulfilling. Somehow you knew it was important to take the risk, rise to a new challenge, and move ahead in faith that you would land in a better place. It wasn’t easy and you struggled at times with your decision. Look at you now, proud of yourself for tapping into your strength and thriving in your new role.

When you lost your dad, you crumbled into sadness and grief for a time. You began to understand the loneliness of what it means to parent yourself. The pain and loss seemed overwhelming, as if it would swallow you whole. You were forced to look at how you were now, an adult child without either parent. You learned, you grew, and you healed. You now love harder and more openly, holding those precious to you even closer than before. You relished the photos, the memories, the advice only your parents could give you, and hold it even closer to your heart. Their advice seems priceless and you have a sense of pride. You pass it on in a loving tribute to the ones that have molded, shaped, and loved you in all the seasons of your life. 

Each one of us is a special work of art. We have gifts that make us unique but one common thread is the human condition. I have to remind myself that in this lifetime there will be seasons of joy filled with love, friendship, fulfillment and abundance. Other times it can feel lonely and isolating with many challenges, pain and grief. To truly live, to trust and lean into faith, is to fully experience all of it. Reminding ourselves that nothing lasts forever, even the pain. 

Finding my peace and strength is an ongoing process. There are days when it's simple, and easy, and life has a beautiful flow. Other days, it feels punishing, confusing and even insurmountable. The truth is, the only way out of the bad times, is to go through it. Avoidance and numbing the pain, staying chronically distracted or caught up in anger, only causes more pain down the road. Think back to all those times you’ve tackled other life challenges and you were able to find your way out of the darkness. You’re stronger for it and now is the time to acknowledge your bravery and keep going. 

I use the following technique to slow my mind and my nervous system when life feels too overwhelming and my emotions are scattered. Pain causes stress on the nervous system and places us in fight or flight mode, making it hard to think clearly and soothe ourselves. Deep breaths with repetitive phrases or mantras can help break the stress cycle and bring yourself back to calm. Try sitting in a quiet space and close your eyes. Place your right hand over your heart and take a few deep breaths – in through the nose, out through the mouth. Imagine your body melting into the earth. As you breathe in deeply, repeat a phrase that feels comfortable and affirming. Here are some phrases that may help:

• I am safe and this feeling is temporary
  
• I am capable and I trust myself
  
• I sit in my strength, knowing I am safe and capable 
  
• I now let go and let God
  

If you have a favorite phrase that helps you calm yourself, share it below and help others!

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