Pushing the pause button

When is it time to hit the pause button? Set things down, stop carrying the heavy load when the old ways, thoughts, and beliefs don’t seem relevant or important anymore. Maybe they won’t be important in the future and for right now, maybe it’s time to focus on something that’s been hiding inside. Putting what I can on hold and walking away for a little while. Missing in action, even while I’m standing right here in front of you.

Difficult feelings with a new perspective in the making.

Just like all of nature, there is a season for believing and creating, and a season for letting go and accepting. A season to explore and discover, and a season to retreat and rest. 

Sometimes the sadness is waiting in the wings for the opportunity to be expressed. Allowing it to surface helped me heal after years of denying some painful feelings. To continue to suppress it takes tremendous energy and it often leads to more anger, resentment and despair.

My season of exploring and accepting real change had to happen. A journey that has lasted for the past 3 years. Exploring my beliefs, questioning my motivations, the work I was doing, my relationship wounds, and looking deeply at the experiences that have made me who I am today.  All leading me to this point in my life right now. 

Change is hard. Familiarity is easier. Even when there’s pain, it is simple and expected. 

The truth is, I would rather hurt than feel nothing at all.  Through all the turbulence, allowing a different version of myself to emerge. One I can be proud of in this new chapter.

I believe it’s good to take a pause and work on finding a braver, stronger version of ourselves. Hold steadfast in life’s chaos, and the seasons that whisper it’s time to take a deeper look inside at what’s been buried. No escaping. Just a decision to face it all with a sense of gratitude for the lessons for this is what it means to truly live. I've learned to be okay with being a work in progress.

In these small breaks I gave myself, turning inward, I can see now the things I thought were important don’t seem to hold the same value. Situations I feared and ran from, don’t hold the same power because in reality, they weren’t as terrifying as I had made up in my mind. People I thought closest to me, we’re fighting their own battles. Many walked away without a goodbye. 

It’s in these moments, I took a good look and made different choices to help myself. The promise of hope, renewal, a different perspective, and a deeper understanding of what my world is filled with. It’s mine to explore in the best way I know how. 

The real work begins when we don't recognize ourselves anymore. 

It’s in those moments, I have to stop and ask myself some tough questions. What if this is all there is? Would that be enough? If I wasn’t scared, what would I do differently? If I was really honest with myself, what might make me happy? Would it be worth the price? Can I be fearless enough to make changes, knowing there are no guarantees but move forward anyways with a sense of hope and purpose? I fought it for a long time to ease the discomfort of fear of failure, but I kept hearing yes! To stay put felt like I was choking and missing out on my life. At my core, I needed to explore and make different choices or face sinking. That’s when I decided to make my big move. 

After a long pause, a lot of reflection and struggling with fear, I decided it was the right time to change my life. It wasn’t overnight, but eventually I made my move. I left my home, my sense of security and familiarity and moved to a new city I’ve never even visited before. To trust that I would find my way felt freeing and exciting. It also felt a little crazy but I was doing it. At my core I knew this was my calculated move. I would create a new life with new friends and memories that would be more aligned with my goals for a better life. It didn’t stop there. Months later, I left my job, seeking a new adventure that could fire up my soul. One that wouldn’t leave me feeling depleted, unappreciated, frustrated and worn out. I was no longer willing to abandon myself and run on autopilot. 

Life is not for the faint of heart if you really want to live. Courage, strength, and faith don’t always come easy, but not all good things in life are easy. It all starts in the quiet moments where you find patience and the belief that you are worthy to live the life you’ve always imagined. Don’t think you have to do it alone. Seek out the tools that can help you on your journey. Lean on that person who will support your dreams and lift you up in your darkest moments, when you think you just can’t do it.

Sometimes we’re faced with choices that are uncomfortable, feel unforgiving and unfair. At those times, we’re faced with a choice - keep running or take a pause and change direction. 

If you gave yourself the gift of pausing, observing and listening to your intuition, what would you do differently in your life?